


the ever-shifting nature of the self

by cathologic



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls
Genre: F/F, I do ship them though, Post-Canon, mostly an experimental piece, not necessarily romance, pining (vague), toko-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:49:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26625469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathologic/pseuds/cathologic
Summary: ".. It's all wars." Toko grimaced. It was surprising, her companion's capacity of souring her mood this easily. "Don't y-you quote Orwell on me, woman.."Komaru sighed. "Aw.. I was so confident in it too." Her words carried not hurt, just a smile. Thankfully, her smile was one of the things that hadn't changed that much.(In which they talk, despite not making all things clear.)
Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	the ever-shifting nature of the self

Following the halls of an abandoned hotel, one's eyes wouldn't land on anything but rubble. Rubble, Toko noted, was quickly becoming a synonym of 'home' to her.  
The nights were always cold here. In the wastelands of what used to be a populated city, there were few places that provided quite as much coverage as the buildings in this district, near the docks. Sadly, that only meant the cold breeze of the sea was even more prominent when coming through the cracks on the walls. She assumed she'd have to live with it.  
A soft thud of a heavy leather cover was what first broke through the silence. They'd settled into a comfortable habit of nightly reading, a suggestion Komaru made a long time ago while searching for new ways to bond with her now only friend. More often than not, one of them would fall asleep to the sound of pages turning and the other's soft breathing. The intimacy of it was almost frightening to her.

Against the sound of the raging wind outside, a quiet voice resonated, carrying tiredness as gracefully as possible. "Hey, Toko?"  
The girl in question fidgeted with the corner of a yellowed page, urging the conversation to proceed with a quiet hum. "Do you ever feel like you.. like you changed, just a bit too much?"  
Toko lowered her book, its words now out of reach of the warm (though flickering) light atop the bedside table. "W-What do you mean..?"  
"I used to have lots of.. dreams. Dreams of.. romance, of easy smiles.. well, that was before the war, of course." The blanket shifted along with Naegi's body, her crossed arms being the only semblance of a pillow nearby. Komaru would usually say that just being alive was enough, whilst still cheerfully remarking she'd been through better times. Komaru, airheaded and gullible, would not wax melancholic in the dead of the night alongside anyone.

Toko hesitated, holding back the snark that rested on the very tip of her tongue. It was unfair of her to pretend she was the only one who had changed. That past, free of dread, didn't match their current selves anymore; that truth rested in the harsh reminders, scars and haunted looks that stared back whenever they confronted mirrors. Caught from the corner of her eyes but a glimpse of the girl staring off into nowhere.  
She'd noticed, after all, the way Komaru's eyes were just a bit too quick to slide off of her reflections. The gradual steadying and roughening of her hands, now calloused and strong when pressed against her own slender digits. There were too many wars to pick from, too many scars, too many tragedies. Far more than one should ever go through.  
Even shadowed by the cloak of night, she could see every little fold of clothing in the girl's body. Every cut, every mark, she knew them all by heart at this point. She was not much different from when they first met — muted tones of her eyes and oh so terribly soft hair — but in terms of maturity, it was hard to associate the scared teenager and the now experienced fighter as the same person.  
"W.. Which war?" Pried her eyes away, fearful of her gaze never being able to leave the other if she didn't do so.

".. It's all wars." Toko grimaced. It was surprising, her companion's capacity of souring her mood this easily. "Don't y-you quote Orwell on me, woman.."  
Komaru sighed. "Aw.. I was so confident in it too." Her words carried not hurt, just a smile. Thankfully, her smile was one of the things that hadn't changed that much.  
"Do you think things will settle down soon?" Toko lifted her book up and turned a page, a shallow pretense of reading. They both knew her heart wasn't in it. "No, not at a-all."  
".. I thought you were gonna say that." Huffed out a laugh, hollow — uncharacteristic. The sound didn't sit well in Toko's chest.  
"Improvement takes time, it takes.. e-effort. Not from just one side. Those b-brats-" The word earned a scoff from the younger girl. ".. T-Those.. kids, they're m-moving in their own pace. Naegi, M-Master, Kirigiri, us... It's not going to be easy, or quick, f-for anyone."

"It's just.. nothing ever seems to change." Held at a standstill, progress in the construction had been slow. Volunteers came and went, tasks melted into each other. By the time they could rest, they ended up as a tired pile of limbs in a creaky bed, wasting the night away with restless sleep. "And despite that.. I can barely recognize myself lately."  
If she could've managed the strength to sound exasperated, she would've. "W-Well.. that just means _you've_ changed."  
"Is that a.. good thing?"  
".. I-It's not a bad one."  
When the first seed of regret planted itself into Toko's brain, she heard a soft murmur. "Thanks, Toko."  
"F-For what?"  
A moment passed where both of them stood silent. The quiet reply felt incomplete when it did come. "For being my friend." More shuffling, their shared blanket almost completely pulled off of Toko's body.  
And although she had a million things running through her mind, she had no chance to comment further. That is, if the faint snoring echoing throughout the room was anything to go by.  
She had a feeling that going forward would take patience, as well as time. Lots of patience.

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to mention that this wasn't written with the intentions of being about romance, but i couldn't help my yearning self from vaguely gesturing at it  
> any type of feedback is welcome! would love to get opinions on it.


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